Category Archives: Cynics

International Yoga Day – solution to all world problems

India’s new Prime Minister – Narendra Modi – delivered a much-awaited speech to the United Nations General Assembly that was received very well by a packed house. Now those who know me, will know that I’m not the greatest of Modi fans, but I’ve been in that phase of transformation into one. Alas, the speech that he delivered today at UNGA was a major let-down on expectations. I know I will be making some friends angry over this, but I looked for something revolutionary, innovative, powerful or at least different. I was utterly disappointed.

What I did instead get to hear was the old repeated record of how the world should be coming together, how world is under terrorist attacks, how world is changing very fast, etc. And then came the killer, the most amazing (read embarrassing) argument that I heard from Mr Modi today asking the world to come together to celebrate an Antar-rashtriya Yog Diwas (International Yoga Day). It seems like his 30 minutes speech was actually a build-up to this proposal of yoga as the single solution to all world problems.

I am still in a state of surprise that this master  speaker of India was not able to deliver some powerful message on this global stage. And I’m sure I’ve missed something that has been noticed by others who are all praises about this speech. Please guide me on what I am missing.

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Why do I want to go to India… … but I don’t?

india-gate-4

A startling fact about UAE tells me that hardly around 20% of the total residents here are Emirati nationals while the other 80%+ are expatriates who come here, work here and then go back to their countries to retire. A major portion of that expatriate population comes from the Indian subcontinent and I’m one of those thousands (or probably millions) who have come here to chase their dreams – or simply, the money. But deep in the heart, everyone is an Indian, a Pakistani, a Brit, a German or an American, but not a Dubaian or an Emirati. There can be a long discussion on that, but my immediate point is that like many others, I also want to return to my country at some point in time. I bought a house there, just in case. I repatriate most of my savings, just in case. And I always stay connected, just in case.

Now I have many strong reasons to return back to India, my home country, and some of them might sound absurd to you. First and foremost, I don’t think I can be anything else emotionally than an Indian. I spent a quarter century in India – growing up, studying, learning to walk, learning to ride and learning to live – and it’s simply not possible to erase the memories of those beautiful years from the memory. My first school, my first stage appearance, my first crush, my first love, my first job, my first air travel – all of that happened in India. The food, the people, the streets, the rush, the family, the crowds, the festivals and the festivities, all pull me back to what I call – my roots.

But then how easy is it for someone to forget the present and connect to the past. My friends tell me that if you want to return, you return in 3 years or else you are caught in what they call – golden handcuffs. This country might not give me love, affection, family or adoption, but it surely gives me security, safety, lifestyle and yes, money. For a change, I am not affected by my relatives’ perceptions while making my life decisions. I have an option to live a ‘Western’ lifestyle and yet the option to go back to the Indian roots in every corner of Dubai. And I’m just 3 hours flight from my family in India, so that’s not a worry either.

So, while I might be tempted to go back to the roots, my selfish self tells me that that might not be the best thing to do. And if you think otherwise, I would love to know.

 

-AS

ABC of Support Systems

Recently, we’ve been studying a lot about the DSS (Decision Support System), ESS (Executive Support System) and what not. So, I thought why not list down all the ‘support systems’ at one place. So, here’s the ABC of Support Systems.

ASS: Aise hi Support System

BSS: Bulshit Support System

CSS: Confused Support System

DSS: Disturbing Support System

ESS: Enraging (Exasperating) Support System

FSS: Faltu ka Support System

GSS: Good-for-nothing Support System

HSS: Haramzada Support System

ISS: Ironic Support System

JSS: Jocular Support System

KSS: Killer Support System

LSS: Ludicrous Support System

MSS: Mysterious Support System

NSS: Non-sense Support System

OSS: Outrageous Support System

PSS: Puzzled Support System

QSS: Queering Support System

RSS: Ridiculous Support System

SSS: Saala Support System

TSS: Third-rate Support System

USS: Unworthy Support System

VSS: Vapid Support System

WSS: Waise hi Support System

XSS: X-Men Support System

YSS: Yawning Support System

ZSS: Zaleel Support System

AS

Why is smoking so costly?

I am not a smoker, atleast not a public one. So you can be pretty sure that it’s not a biased view of a smoker who’s desperate to have a cheaper smoke in India. It was just that I was standing in balcony of my room sharing an occasional smoke with a friend that I realized why cigarettes are costlier than the bidees and why the cigarettes with better filters costlier than the cigarettes with bad filters. If you didn’t know, Indian government levies a tax on the cigarettes on the basis of the length of the cigarette. I just hope that it has to do something with the filter length.

But the point here is that if cigarette is harmful, then bidee is atleast as harmful, right? So why don’t we raise the price of a pack of bidees to Rs. 100 to discourage the consumers from using them. This can easily be achieved by levying a 1000% tax on bidees. And the cigarettes with better and longer filters can be subsidized to make them available to the ‘common man’. The revenues to the Manmohan government will go up like anything because it will take a while for people to shift their taste from bidees to cigarettes and vice versa . But, it will discourage them from consuming 2 packets a day. Want to laugh on the proposal? C’mon, if it’s possible with petrol and diesel, why not with bidee and cigarette?

I suggested this to my fat friend with almost yellow teeth and stinking mouth and guess what he said? Have fun, Arun!

And the old Dev Anand song played in the background.

Main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya. Har fikr ko dhuyein mein udaata chala gaya…

AS